Winter Wonderland!

Pardon my absence,

I'm in Narnia.

Just kidding, I'm in Indiana.

Just kidding it just looks like Narnia.

Just kidding it is Narnia.

Just kidding it's Indiana but it smells like Narnia.

Just kidding.

Just kidding.

Just kidding.

( That will make no sense to you unless you've seen SNL and love Kristen Wiig as much as I do....sorry.)

                                                    I'm extremely obsessed with the trees here.

                                                  Hope you've had a Merry Christmas everyone!

xoxo

Perhaps a bit too personal, but here it is.

In 4 days I get to go home. This year, "home" is Indiana. Almost 16 years ago, home was Georgia.

And last year around this time home was California. Needless to say my family has moved its fair share of times. I drive past my old "home" quite frequently since my family has gone (seeing as I only live 3 minutes away from it now) and I've started to feel absolutely no attachment to it at all. I spent years and years there, but now those years are less vivid and only played out over and over in my head. All the attachment between memories and that house being home are broken.Ive been to my parents house in Indiana one time. I remember getting out of the car and walking in the house with my sisters and for the first time in months I actually felt like I belonged some where. There was all our furniture,all our pictures, and most importantly there were olives in a blue and clear ziplock container in the fridge just waiting to be eaten by me. This was home. And there we were, all six of us together and that wonderful feeling of I-actually-belong-here-and-I-don't-have-to-try came over me. Imagine that. Some how, in a place I'd only spent 5 minutes in, in a place I'd made no memories in. I was in a house I didn't actually know where a bathroom was located but yet, I was home. I've only felt that sense of familiar comfort a handful of times since then. Days that get to be spent almost entirely with my boyfriend, days I get to to have a deep or uplifting conversation with a good friend, days I get to make dinner with marissa and watch movies while sprawling around on her couch. But most days don't feel like that. Most days feel the same, uncertainty with a small prick at my heart of I-don't-belong-anywhere. And some days I lay in my bed and look up at the ceiling that isn't mine and I allow the feeling of loneliness to cage me in my Ikea sheets and wish my life now was different. These weird days have grown fewer over time and for that I'm grateful. But this morning is one of those lonely days and here I am trapped in my sheets by a heavily looming loneliness again. And so i've never been so ready to flee a place in my life. I need a hug from my dad and to laugh with my mom. I need to be reunited with my silliest of sisters and brother. I need to eat dinner with them, talk with them, love on and  be loved by them. I want to be absolutely entirely drenched in the love and certainty only being in your home

with your family can fill you with. I want to soak up every second possible with them and take it back

to my current place of residence with me. I want carry enough of that feeling back so next time I'm laying in my Ikea sheet cage of loneliness, I battle that terrible feeling with the memories and souvenir feelings of comfort and peace I had taken. I guess sometimes we have to leave home in order to find out what we left there, and why it matters so much.

Things I Do.

This past week I have been...

Sewing!

I've taken up the art of "re-fashioning". Refashioning is basically a fancy way of saying altering or re-vamping. 

[Fancy ladies need their fancy vocabulary, you know?]

 I found this old pair of flared jeans [barf] in my closet. Okay honestly though they are pretty cute minus the eighth grade flarey-ness so why toss them when they could be re-fashioned????

Two hours of a little needle and threading later and I had a new pair of skinnies!

Also... 

 I did some coffee-drinking, orange-eating, pen-and-paper-dreaming, and of course christmas-light-looking with my lovey. 

I also worked, a lot. But truthfully, no one cares and that would be one heck of a boring picture. 

The count down is on: 13 days until Christmas and 10 days until I head to Indiana to be with 

my wonderful family. 

I'M SO EXCITED FOR CHRISTMAS.

All Dolled Up.

The other day I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and was a bit horrified. 

Staring back at me was a very tired lady whos eyebrows suddenly had no
shape because they were so outgrown. Her bangs were uncontrollably looming over her sagging eyeballs, and if you followed the thick trail of bang over-growth upward you saw a good two inches of ashy
out-grown roots. I quickly begin to try and tame my hair when I noticed...uh oh..

BARISTA HANDS.

For those of you who don't know, barista hands look something like this:

Misshapen, unclipped nails complete with chipping nail polish.

When your hands are in water  all day its physically impossible to get your nail polish to last more than

24 hours. You see,  lately I have been living at work. Which is a blessing and curse.God has seriously provided by giving me tons and tons of hours so I can make more money.But, as you can imagine, being at work 80% of my week is a bit of a drag and has caused me to become completely unphased by my haggard appearance. My first thought upon seeing this unrecognized beast in the mirror was "Oh god, I really let myself go...Poor Boyfriend of mine had to stare at this today???". I had an extra hour or two before bed and decided something HAD to be done. I whipped out my tweezers, face mask, and a couple tools to beautify my barista talons. I took a hot shower and suddenly became motivated to tame my hair too. That way when I awoke at 4am for work the next morning my hair would be somewhat presentable. I remembered my Grandma telling me if you twist your hair and bobby pin it when it's wet you get the same effect as sleeping with curlers.

Here are my make shift curlers. [Notice the over bang-age? So bad.]

Unfortuantely Grandma doesnt know what shes talking about because my hurr was TORE UP in the morning.

Or i suck at hair twisting. Either way, I still didnt look cute. Then I noticed that what was missing wasn't a bang trim, or a clear coat of nail polish,Or even re-colored roots.What was missing was a smile.

Joy was absent. Thankfulness was absent. I was going to work  with two of my favorite girls that morning, laugh and joke,get paid, and drink/make some mostly decent coffee. I have SO much to smile about.

Pretty faces, pretty hair, pretty make up-that's all well good, but beauty is from the heart. 

And when your heart isn't filled with joy, and thankfulness and gratitude, it's going to show more than your busted bangs. I love being reminded how little your appearance matters when your heart is crazy beautiful because as a woman you NEED to remember that. Boyfriend doesn't care about my out-grown roots or chipped nail polish, friends dont see your busted bangs; they notice your smile and the love you bless them with. And most important of all, God only notices your heart.

Thank goodness love is deeper than a good coat of nail polish and perfectly shaped bangs.

And of course, my morning realizations spawned an afternoon doodle sesh. 

Hello Friend,

Welcome to my new blog. So sorry for the change but it just had to be done. My blog turned against me and would not let me edit the design portion of it. Hence the ugly weird backround that randomly appeared from god-knows-where.  After an embarrassing 2 hours of trying to get it back to normal I just decided to throw in the towel and make a new one. I just can't have an ugly blog. You understand....right?
Check back soon for a new update.
XOXO